bitching crap of an angry voice

i realised i m much of an angry man after the two weeks of ict.
although i "managed" not going to the 4days 3 nights field camp.
i cant imagine not bathing for 3 days. i'll b scratching myself to death most probably. anyway, it's not any easy staying in the company line. there's whole load of shit jobs to be done, packing rations, all "handicaps" hav to start loading n unloading stores as well, cos no one else gonna do it anyway.
ict's full of waiting time.. waiting n waiting n waiting... been told army's always like tat, but i guess i only realised it this time round. probably out in the working society, everything's gonna be rushed.. so it's hell lots of waiting time. cant understand why the hell informations can be organised in this bloody "organisation", waiting a simple instruction to be passed down. ended up having lots of different instructions confusing the nsmen. things arent organised enough at all. i cant imagine we had a whole tonner full of unused sandbags to n fro, realised they r extras. wat the hell.. nsmen not supposed to be soldiers right, we arent fucking labourers! the loading n unloading of stores already shagged the men out. so i guess when wars come, we wont be able to fight.. cos we would b shagged out from the preparation. wat happen to all the machineries. in a high tech world, machineries could easily replace humans to do this kind of load stuffs.
we r bloody hell in involved tat bloody s@f day parade. fuck! tat's gonna take 3 weeks, 3 days per week, 3 whole days. monday, wednesday, friday from each week, for 3 weeks!!! then plus the actual day itself. tat's gonna be damn 10 days. giving all to them. dun they hav brain. dun nsmen hav a life outside. they've work outside in the society to contribute to the economy. wat if their company use this as an excuse to find excuse to cut their bonus, to even sack them. who the hell gonna be responsible?!

i miss her
i screwed things before tat 2 weeks
i screwed things up again after tat 2 weeks
wanted to see her
but i dunno how
wanted to call her
but i dunno how
i dun even dare to msg her

2 weeks out from office
lost touch
2 weeks back to office
still feeling shagged
gonna b involved in a meeting on the day i took leave
had to take leave to go ah for medical
thanks to tat parade thing. n my pes status. n ippt. i had to go there. hoping to get it earlier before tat medical board thing comes again. i carried it forward. now it falls on a day where i could actually get to know/learn more things at work. wtf. probably to postpone it.

back home from cloud 9 at sunday morning, saw the clementi stadium gate opening by itself. the gate door juz opened by itself. no one there. writing bout it now, my hair raises!

recently quite a few white incidents happen around.
shortly after 1 friend's mom passed away
subsequently, 3 other colleagues parent passed away,
1 colleague father in icu back in china. poor guy, his career is endangered, having been back there for almost 2 months. might lose his job, will eventually lose his father, n the costs of the hospital bills gonna b a bomb.
scary

feel like getting a phone
feel like getting a camera

lonesome
it's lonely to be alone