3years

it's been 3 years
if we are still together,
tat's gonna b 3 years

though this was quite few days back
guess the depression had worsened again quite few days ago

bitching crap of an angry voice

i realised i m much of an angry man after the two weeks of ict.
although i "managed" not going to the 4days 3 nights field camp.
i cant imagine not bathing for 3 days. i'll b scratching myself to death most probably. anyway, it's not any easy staying in the company line. there's whole load of shit jobs to be done, packing rations, all "handicaps" hav to start loading n unloading stores as well, cos no one else gonna do it anyway.
ict's full of waiting time.. waiting n waiting n waiting... been told army's always like tat, but i guess i only realised it this time round. probably out in the working society, everything's gonna be rushed.. so it's hell lots of waiting time. cant understand why the hell informations can be organised in this bloody "organisation", waiting a simple instruction to be passed down. ended up having lots of different instructions confusing the nsmen. things arent organised enough at all. i cant imagine we had a whole tonner full of unused sandbags to n fro, realised they r extras. wat the hell.. nsmen not supposed to be soldiers right, we arent fucking labourers! the loading n unloading of stores already shagged the men out. so i guess when wars come, we wont be able to fight.. cos we would b shagged out from the preparation. wat happen to all the machineries. in a high tech world, machineries could easily replace humans to do this kind of load stuffs.
we r bloody hell in involved tat bloody s@f day parade. fuck! tat's gonna take 3 weeks, 3 days per week, 3 whole days. monday, wednesday, friday from each week, for 3 weeks!!! then plus the actual day itself. tat's gonna be damn 10 days. giving all to them. dun they hav brain. dun nsmen hav a life outside. they've work outside in the society to contribute to the economy. wat if their company use this as an excuse to find excuse to cut their bonus, to even sack them. who the hell gonna be responsible?!

i miss her
i screwed things before tat 2 weeks
i screwed things up again after tat 2 weeks
wanted to see her
but i dunno how
wanted to call her
but i dunno how
i dun even dare to msg her

2 weeks out from office
lost touch
2 weeks back to office
still feeling shagged
gonna b involved in a meeting on the day i took leave
had to take leave to go ah for medical
thanks to tat parade thing. n my pes status. n ippt. i had to go there. hoping to get it earlier before tat medical board thing comes again. i carried it forward. now it falls on a day where i could actually get to know/learn more things at work. wtf. probably to postpone it.

back home from cloud 9 at sunday morning, saw the clementi stadium gate opening by itself. the gate door juz opened by itself. no one there. writing bout it now, my hair raises!

recently quite a few white incidents happen around.
shortly after 1 friend's mom passed away
subsequently, 3 other colleagues parent passed away,
1 colleague father in icu back in china. poor guy, his career is endangered, having been back there for almost 2 months. might lose his job, will eventually lose his father, n the costs of the hospital bills gonna b a bomb.
scary

feel like getting a phone
feel like getting a camera

lonesome
it's lonely to be alone

戀愛你會付出多少？

你有49分(分數為35-52)
　　你會因對象和心情作出不同反應﹔即使對著同樣一個人，你有時會熱情得很，有時又會很冷漠。你算是一個誠實的人，但你不能和戀人坦誠相對，以致對方可能覺得你喜怒無常，難以捉摸。

1st week of ICT

it's a lonely boring week of in camp
previously had managed to upset her.. leading myself to misery
each single day from tuesday till friday seems like torturing, time juz passes so damn slowly. i wasnt at all prepared for staying in. 1st time in the unit 3rd ICT..
tuesday. was almost a day of talks.. juz sounds like lullaby to me. losing the battle to the sleep monster. or rather whenever we put on the no. 4, we're automatically in stone/sleep mode. i miss her. i miss work. i miss xiaohei.
wednesday. was much more interesting. fighting in built urban area with blanks. (gonna be shooting live rounds tml!).
thursday. whole day at range for preparation of the ATP. slaccck..
friday. i decide not to take the ATP, ended up still hav to turn at the range site, rotting myself away. only managed to book out after midnight, reaching home around 1am.
saturday. to report at mandai for technical mob. wat the hell.. should hav stayed in.
bad news. real bad news. the company is involved in the bloody saf day parade. fuck. a whole damn month of all full day of mondays, wednesdays, fridays to be occupied for the damn rehearsals. dun they hav any brains. this is gonna fucking affect my career. alternate days of working. might as well dun work. who's gonna b responsible for my future career path in the company. who's gonna be responsible if my bonus is affected at the end of the year. worst of all, who's gonna be responsible if i m sacked from the company.
enuf of bitching for now.
gonna book in now.
juz fuck these 2 bloody weeks give them!
gonna ask the hr to get me siam tat bloody parade.
field camp from wednesday to saturday. coastal defence. -.-
argghhhhh