it's being a looong time

realised i must being a changed person
the surroundings, the environment, the life experiences.. i aint myself tat i used to know anymore somehow somewhere somewhat
try to look at things at an "optimistic"/"pessimistic" point of view or wateva.. disappointment wif self, disappointment wif some other things/issues.. but things arent the way i wan them to be.. since i cant change them, i've got to accommodate/adjust/change myself to suit them or watsoeva.
main concern of mine at the moment are probably career which will lead to money, money and more money hopefully. other things i will try to take them easy, to accept the way as they are.. be it accepting the fate of my life tat might hav been laid out for me since i cried for the 1st time upon contact wif earth. it's not tat i have no determination in life. but of coz, i hate myself very much for being like this. but it's me. to fight for my life or not to fight, it's up to myself. upon diff circumstances, i hav diff tots, i do diff actions. i'm a true gemini. spilt personalities, not jus 2, but mani mani more. so much more tat i dunno who i m at times. blames cant b blamed on others. one's greatest enemy is self. it's oneself fighting the other oneself to overcome the other oneself.
anyway, work is still pretty fine, jus probably slightly or quite hazardous. i party hard too as much i try to work hard.
juz wondering if i made the right choice of requesting the company to sponser me for a short 3 months course to upgrade myself. terms being bonded for a yr. still waiting for reply though.